One of my friends from high school posted a link to a really thought-provoking article from a recent issue of Time on her Facebook page.
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1059032-1,00.html
What does a female midlife crisis look like, anyway? A big face-lift, a little red car, an overdose, an affair, an escape to the Galápagos Islands? Or none of the above?
It is both a stable truth and an unsettling one that our lives loop and twist from age to age. The baby toddles into childhood, the child erupts into a teen, then a woman, who by the time she has passed 40 is long overdue to shed her skin again. That shedding can be traumatic, treacherous, born of sorrow or stress; but to hear the prophets of personal reinvention tell it, it may also be an unexpected gift. With that endearing sense of discovery that baby boomers bring to the most enduring experiences–like growing up or finding God or burning out–women are confronting the obstacles of middle age and figuring out how to turn them into opportunities. Thanks to higher incomes, better education and long experience at juggling multiple roles, women may actually discover that there has never been a better time to have a midlife crisis than now.
Mid-life crises used to be the province of males. They’d buy a motorcycle or a sports car, start dating someone half their age, the usual stuff. There are still men who are doing this stuff, but they are not alone. Women are exhibiting the same symptoms, but expressing them differently. (Well, except for Demi Moore and Madonna. You go, ladies.)
The forties are a huge wake-up call for women. Obviously, declining fertility may have something to do with it. If one’s husband or significant other has developed a wandering eye, that may have been a clue, too. I now know two women whose lives blew up at forty, and they reinvented themselves as a result. Mostly, it’s the whole idea that there’s thirty-odd years left. How do you want to spend those years — too scared or intimidated to reach out and grab the things and experiences you want, or throwing yourself off the cliff in the interest of not regretting anything when you get to the end of it all?
In my life, it’s been all about the fact that I am now old enough to realize that I’m not going to live forever, and there are things I’d kind of like to see or do before I am too damn old to enjoy them. Let’s face it: My wish list does not include stuff like “become a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader” or “cause an international incident”. I don’t care to cross the ocean in a sailboat, or appear on “American Idol”. Mostly, I think of the goals I was told were impossible when I was younger. I’d like to try them now. After all, if I succeed, I did it. If I don’t, will it kill me? Uh, no.
When I look back on my life, I regret the things I didn’t do more than the ones I did. I remember someone telling me a couple of years ago, “How old are you now? How old will you be if you don’t at least try?” As a result, I embarked on something I’m still chasing. I will achieve it.
So, how’s your midlife crisis? How’s it manifesting itself? Do you think this is a force for good, or not?
-S
